"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America, from border to border and coast to coast, and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press."--Walter Winchell
During 2010, I intend to jump into the podcasting business. This will be an enterprise, I am sure, that will bring enlightenment and entertainment to, and a boatload of fan letters from, a rapt and adoring audience. Or not.
Why would a man of my age--and charm, technical ineptitude--and charm, and inexperience--and charm, want to get involved in the broadcasting "game"? Not sure. I do have a great face for radio, to use an old joke. Maybe I want to become a multi-media mogul like Rupert Murdoch. Maybe because I have a rich, nasal baritone voice that could annoy an audience in a way that my writing cannot.
Am I motivated by some element of vanity and ego? Probably. And irony. I will love to see the look on my kids faces when I tell them I can be found in the ITunes library.
But I am anxious to try the "radio" approach. Maybe, as a lawyer, I think I can reach a listening audience with a message (if any), in the way I try to reach a judge or jury through oral argument, opening or closing statement--a way that just doesn't come through in a brief.
Well, we'll see where this takes me.
And though this is contrary to many business models, this enterprise might benefit from some advance thinking and planning.
Here are a few things I'd like to think through as I begin.
There are a lot of podcasts. Compared to real radio, podcasting is cheap and easy. You don't have to buy airtime or sell advertising. The technical requirements are modest and within the budget and understanding of most. I have done my homework on the tech issue, by which I mean I read Podcasting for Dummies last month. And, while I must admit I didn't quite get all the technical stuff, I can confidentially state that I have already forgotten most of the things I did understand. I am sure trial and error will win through as it always has for me.
No one pays to listen to a podcast. As a money making venture, a podcast has considerably less potential than a child's curbside lemonade stand--on a dead end street. Unless you want to hustle to find advertisers, podcasts are pay as you go ventures. They are free on ITunes for a reason. That may be a reflection of the relative worth of most podcasts. You are never tempted to play a podcast over and over, much less dance to one. The very ease of making and uploading podcasts results in a wide variation in quality. You can get CNN commentary and switch immediately to three high school kids with a garage band telling you what has been wrong with rock and roll music for the past forty years--generously laced with obscenities to let you know they mean business.
So, given these considerations, will I be able to make an interesting, high quality, instructive podcast about civil justice issues, especially, when:
Everybody hates lawyers. Why is this? People think lawyers are arrogant. But they think doctors are arrogant. People think lawyers make too much money. But they think doctors make too much money. People may not like doctors a whole lot, but they absolutely love them in comparison to how they feel about lawyers.
Again, why? Well, the justice system is an adversarial one, and each side in every legal dispute has its own paid advocate. Each party to case has an opposing goal. On the other hand, doctors are all working together toward one goal, making the patient well.
While a lawyer will argue and fight passionately for his client, the public suspects that if that lawyer had been first approached by the opposition, he would fight just as passionately against his current client. The public perceives that a lawyer's sense of justice depends solely on who is paying his bill. A bit of a turn off when the public thinks you would, if paid, argue that the sun rises in the West. (Well, I guess it depends what galaxy your spaceship is in at sunrise, doesn't it? See what I mean.)
And worse yet, a lawyer doesn't work for his client using mysterious drugs, shiny instruments and big machines that go "beep"--like a doctor does. All a lawyer uses are words and time. Clients know how to talk. Clients can look at a watch. So, clients are a little testy at having to pay a lawyer to talk, read, charge for time to get the client what the client believes he should have been entitled to in the first place. Without a lawyer. By talking and reading and writing himself. And without paying for it. Add to this that the lawyer is going to tell the client that he can talk and write better than the client can. And, that he knows more than the client. Arrogant bastards, those lawyers.
This may explain why there has never, in my recollection, been a successful sitcom about lawyers. A little bit tough to create lovable, funny characters that tell jokes about other people's problems while charging them for attempting to solve them-whether successful or not:
Funny lawyer: "Gee Doc, did you see the look on the jury's faces when the prosecutor showed that you billed Medicare for three MRI's performed on a day when every state east of the Mississippi was under a black-out.: (Laughs). "Here is my bill. I'd like it paid before your sentencing date." (Huge laugh.) True story, by the way.
Funny Lawyer: "Mr. Smith, we have finally found your uncle's original will, giving you all of his property."
Client: "Finally. We have been looking for it for two years."
Funny Lawyer: "Yes, but unfortunately I left it in my briefcase which was in my car when it was stolen from the strip bar parking lot." (Laughs). Also a true story.
So, in a world where the former head of the Michigan lawyer's oversight agency is now filing motions that the former Mayor of Detroit can only afford to pay restitution at the rate of $6 a month, a lawyer will have to work hard to cultivate a rapport with the listening audience. That and to avoid the appearance of thinly veiled lawyer advertising. We'll see how things work out. I think the first piece of advice I'll give myself is to steer clear of using a clever pun to name my show, like say "Examine My Briefs". Boy, I'd hate me already. Oh, yeah, and I won't use "Send Lawyers, Guns and Money" as the theme song. It isn't good to sound too clever.
"Good Night and Good Luck."
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